Messed Up

sometimes we do things with the aim of sharing our personal experiences to somehow inspire other people but end up hurting the persons who are dear to us while others praise you for what we have done.

several years ago, i wrote this short story about my experience (actually its about my first love) due to the request from the web administrator for posting in the literature section of our newly launched local website. this is for the purpose of persuading other members to write and post their works in the site.

i was challenged by this request and started writing and posted my works in installment. the members accepted and loved my work. i received heartwarming comments and somewhat give a boost in my somewhat challenged life as an illegal immigrant in japan at that time.

with all those comments in my mailbox everyday theres someone who is silently hurting with my writings. i was focused with the writing to kick out the stress of my situation and diverting my attention that i overlooked one thing. i never considered what will my wife's reaction will be once the story is out.

this became the topic in most of our recent aguments. i tried explaining my side that i have no other intention about the writing but to inspire other people. i tried asking her to read the whole story but shes too hurt to continue reading. she's questioning my sincerity to her.

i know i made a mistake in disregarding what might be her feelings once she read my writings. but i am too proud to admit my mistake since never i had any other intention aside from inspiring and persuading other people to write.

with her present situation of being in second trimester of her delicate pregnancy, her OB advised her to stay away from stress due to her condition of Marginal Placenta Previa. its really hard to explain things to her since shes having unpredictable mood swings.

yesterday, we just ended 2 days of cold war and had a long talk. we made up and i am hoping this will be the last argumet regarding this topic.

i would like to share the culprit with you in my next post and please let me know if i really need to make a lot of explanations to my wife.